What is the impact of the word "but" in these sentences?

It negates everything that was previously said.

Yet how often do we use "but"?

Chances are we use it many times a day.

How does it make the other person feel?

We often use "but" as a throw-away linking word, without considering its impact.

So what can we use instead?

Option 1: AND

Option 2: New sentence

It takes a little practice. And it's really worth it.

Consider these examples:

I was really impressed by the way you handled that difficult customer. But next time you should probably smile more.

I was really impressed by the way you handled that difficult customer and if it happens again, you might find smiling more helps them calm down.

I think we did really well in the match on Saturday, but we can't afford to lose any more this season.

I think we did really well in the match on Saturday. We can't afford to lose any more this season.

Notice how removing "but" changes the feel of the communication.

Given that the meaning of your communication is what the other person understands, if they think "but" undermines what you've just said, then that's how they'll take it.

Want to know more?

We recommend you book yourself on some NLP training. Whilst it's possible to self-study to learn NLP, the real benefits of Neuro-Linguistic Programming come from practising it with other students and getting good feedback from a qualified trainer.

That way you'll speed up learning your NLP skills and will find the tools easier to apply in all areas of your life.

Good quality NLP courses are available in most countries. You might want to check out our section on how to choose an NLP course.